The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie

Taking place in 1950s England, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie tells the story of Flavia, a smart, chemistry-loving 11-year-old with no mother and two sisters who ignore her. When Flavia discovers a murder in her garden (which just thrills her, by the way), and her father is taken away, she goes to great lengths to solve the case.

I enjoyed this book a lot. It's a quick, easy read. Flavia is a darling character. She's witty and smart and brave. At times I thought she was a little too witty and too smart - no 11-year-old could really be like that, could she? - but when I just stopped thinking of her as a typical preteen, I could enjoy her character even more. Her inner monologue was hilarious, her chemistry experiments were clever and her intelligence threw for a loop even the smartest men in town. (Her relationship with the Inspector on the case is tons of fun.)

With there being a murder, there is obviously a mystery she's trying to solve. Right in the middle of the book, she gets a great help from her imprisoned father, who has stories from his past he tells her. While I was reading this part of the book, I thought the author was giving too much away, and I thought he was kind of taking the easy way out. Show us, don't just tell us, what happened. But as the story went on, I realized Flavia had much more of the mystery to solve and not too much was given away too soon. This is definitely a cute and fun read, with a sweet ending to boot.

(And thanks to Bending Bookshelf, now I know there's a sequel in the works!)

The Happiness Project, Finale: September-December

For parts I & II.

In September, Rubin decided to pursue a passion: Books. What a perfect topic for me! She took time to try and write a novel - taking a page (ha) from NaNoWriMo. She also vowed to make more time for reading, which made her rethink how much TV she watches. As fellow reader AND TV watcher, I liked that she understood that watching TV with your spouse can be a companion activity, even more so than just reading in the same room. This was shorter chapter because, as one would think, if you already enjoy doing something - here, reading - then it'll probably be pretty easy to do. I can't decide, but maybe she should've picked a different (more complex, challenging?) passion?

In October, she talks about mindfulness. This can be looked at any many ways, whether spiritually or just by paying more attention. But, it did make her look at those "rules" we all create for ourselves (Exercise! Eat right! My children come first!) and reevaluate and maybe rephrase them so they don't seem so overwhelming and impossible to meet every day. This month also made her try new things, such a hypnosis, dancing around the house and portrait drawing. While certain things made her feel more aware, others didn't. As with any passion or new thing we learn, Rubin did become a bit obsessed with happiness - and she realized she could sometimes bully people into taking on their own happiness. Here again she showed some true colors that she could've very easily kept to herself.

November was all about attitude. She wanted to "cultivate a light-hearted, loving and kind spirit." When I read this, I said to myself, 'Maybe this should've come earlier in the year?' It felt like the entire project really boils down to attitude. Maybe in January she should've focused on her attitude and worked on that all year long? Or, does it make more sense to wait until the end? Maybe our attitudes are so hard to change that she needed to warm up with all the other things? In any regard, I find attitude so important. I've found that the days I can "let it go," or just laugh at the annoying and feel happier just because - those are the good days, those are the days I can fall asleep much better at night.

The last month of the year was to practice everything. Rubin also reviewed the year and looked at how things had changed. Was she happier? If so, did her happiness rub off on the rest of the household? While her conclusions were fairly obvious, or just restated from portions of the previous chapters, I still found them rather enlightening.

I've had some discussion with friends about the purpose of this book. I know people who went into reading it expecting more of a "self-help" type of book: Tell me how to find happiness. It's not that. This is one woman telling you her story of a year trying to make herself happier. But the thing is, you don't have to look too deeply to find the lessons. You can very easily take what she learns and apply them to your own life (pay attention, clear clutter, pursue a passion...). Those that work, work. Those that don't, skip. So, in the end, I think Rubin, through memoir, does offer up some self-help - you just have to look for it.

The Happiness Project, Part II: April-August

For Part I.

In April, Rubin decides to Lighten Up in regards to parenthood. She takes more time for projects with her girls, instead of sighing about the waste of time they may seem to be. She decides to sing more, which not only brightens the household but also helps her keep her cool. She makes an effort to remember that the years really go fast and she needs to cherish each moment with her family. In this chapter, Rubin also showed her less favorable side, but as a parent-to-be it's always nice to know others get frustrated and angry at their children. She also writes about memory, "People remember events better when they fit with their present mood, happy people remember happy events better, and depressed people remember sad events better. Depressed people have as many nice experiences as other people - they just don't recall them as well."

In May, Rubin wanted to Be Serious About Play: have more fun, be silly, stray off the path. One of the best lessons in this chapter was about discovering what she thought was fun. There are plenty of ideas of what sounds fun. Sure, I can imagine that rock climbing or scuba diving could be a blast, but for me, it would be more an entire experience of stress and nervousness. She gives you the permission to realize if reading and watching TV is what's fun for you, that's OK. Don't underrate what you think is fun.

In June, it's all about Friendship. She yearned to remember birthdays, not to gossip and make new friends. Being there for friends can be a very fulfilling lifestyle. Helping them, supporting them, anything can turn around and make you very happy. She writes, "I certainly get more satisfaction out of thinking about good deeds I've done for other people than I do thinking about good deeds others have done for me." I somewhat agree with this, but I also get very warm-hearted when I think of the lovely things my girlfriends do for me. I think it's kind of equal both ways.

July was about money. Can money buy happiness? Rubin finds her answer, but also finds many disagree about this topic. It's another interesting chapter. I like when she gets into "overbuying" and "underbuying." I'm definitely an underbuyer. I don't buy toothpaste until right when we need it. We can be down to one roll of toilet paper before I buy more. We've thought about a membership to Costco, but that would really go against my underbuying personality! However, she points out that sometimes overbuying can be OK because it could mean less trips to the store, less stress about being out of things...

In August, Rubin Contemplated the Heavens. While part of the chapter was about spirituality, it didn't completely focus on that, but also on gratitude and, again, being thankful for what you have. One point she makes that I really responded to was about being excited when people are excited for you. She says she's not easily thrilled. Neither am I. But there are plenty of people around me who get thrilled for me about certain things (ex: baby inside me). Me? I'm always thinking ahead - where will this lead, what will this bring? Perhaps my less-than-thrilled nature makes me seem ungrateful for their excitement. I discovered that's something I could work on.

So, what do you think? Can money buy happiness? Do you get more from doing for others or what others do for you? Are you an overbuyer or an underbuyer? Do you remember happier moments better than sad ones or vice versa? What do you consider fun?

The Happiness Project, Part I: January-March

One of my bffs turned me on to Gretchen Rubin's blog The Happiness Project, a blog she started while she was working on her book The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun. Rubin's blog is interesting; she posts six days a week relevant interviews, thoughts, quotes, etc. that have to do with happiness. I've learned some good lessons from her blog, while other posts aren't quite as helpful. I've gotten off reading it daily recently because I've found she's started to repeat herself a bit, and now that I've read her book, it feels even more redundant. But, for a new reader, it's quite inspirational.

One day as she was sitting on the bus, Rubin asked herself about her happiness. Now, many people could think (including another of my favorites, and probably an opposite of Rubin, Penelope Trunk), "Hey lady, you work from home, have two beautiful girls, a successful husband...what don't you have to be happy about?" And it's kind of true, but then plenty of us have it pretty darn good, but the daily grind and stress of it all can weigh on our true happiness. So, if you can get past that and just hope to learn from her year-long pursuit of happiness, you'll find the book is very good.

As she worked on her happiness, she came up with Twelve Commandments (i.e. "Let it go" or "Identify the problem") and Secrets of Adulthood ("People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think," and "By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished"). She came back to these throughout her year, and I found these were some of the points I loved most and latched onto the most. I also loved that she wasn't a memoirist who had to travel great distances to find happiness. She writes, "I didn't want to reject my life. I wanted to change my life without changing my life, by finding more happiness in my own kitchen."

The book is very honest. She doesn't fly over the times she gets frustrated. She doesn't hide that she gets crabby or feels resented. A huge beef for her is doing things for her family and not getting a "gold star." She wants that gold star, but that's not how life is. Reading about her practicing this (to do things and not keep score with her husband) was very interesting and relevant to anyone who is married. We all feel resentful or taken advantage of sometimes, but is it really worth the fight? No. I appreciate the fact that Rubin lets it all hang out.

Each month Rubin worked on a specific goal for her happiness, adding to each month and by the end of the year hopefully doing it all at once. January - Boost energy. This involved sleeping more, exercising more, getting organized. Very obvious New Year's resolution stuff, but as we all know, very practical and stuff that works at making us feel better if we just stick to it. Her tactics for organization and her idea to just act energetic were very inspiring.

February - Remember Love, which hit on nagging, expecting praise, fighting right and showing your love for others. If you're in a serious relationship, this chapter is great, especially if you live together. Rubin was very honest about her relationship with her husband - and it's always interesting to read about other people's relationship. She writes, "It wasn't perversity that kept Jamie from being a sympathetic listener; not only was he constitutionally less oriented to having long heart-to-heart conversations, he also tried to avoid any topic that got me upset, because he found it so painful to see me feeling blue." This I can understand.

March - Aim Higher. This month focuses on her work. She started her blog in March; I find it humorous that this woman who loves reading, writing and taking notes wasn't sure about blogging - she was made to blog! She also tried to learn from failure and ask for help. More important lessons. One goal: Enjoy Now. A paragraph I loved, "It's rare to achieve something that brings unadulterated pleasure without added concerns. Having a baby. Getting a promotion. Buying a house. You look forward to reaching these destinations, but once you've reached them, they bring emotions other than sheer happiness. And of course, arriving at one goal usually reveals another, yet more challenging goal... The challenge, therefore, is to take pleasure in the atmosphere of growth, in the gradual progress made toward a goal, in the present."

This post is already pretty long, so I'll write more about the book in another post.

The Help

I just finished The Help, a novel by Kathryn Stockett. In this book, Stockett writes about the white ladies of Jackson Mississippi in the early 1960s and their "help," the black maids who raise their children and clean their homes. This book made several Best of 2009 lists and received several good reviews when it came out early last year.

I loved this book. Stockett, who grew up in the South herself and was raised by a black woman, tells the story of these maids in an interesting way. One precocious, young white woman named Skeeter decides to write down the stories of the maids in Jackson. This is no easy task, because if any of them gets caught, they're in deep, deep trouble. But many brave ladies come forward and tell Skeeter their stories of abuse and discrimination, but also of love and pride. The chapters alternate between Skeeter and two maids, Aibileen and Minny, who are vibrant characters all on their own. Once the stories get written down, it's a question of whether it will get published, and if it does, just what the heck will happen (to Skeeter, to the maids, to the community, to the country)?

The book touches on many issues in the South during that time like segregation, violence, unfair wages, the civil rights movement and more. You get a taste for the time frame with mentions of Martin Luther King and JFK. As I read, I kept thinking, 'Wow, this seems like such a long time ago.' But really it wasn't, and that's so sad. To think this was the way the country was, riddled in hatred and complete ignorance, less than 50 years ago. How pathetic and ridiculous. And with readers feeling this way, I think that's what makes the book shine. You root for these ladies, you feel disgust for the villains and it makes you want to keep reading to know how it's all going to turn out.

Like the reviews say, Stockett had to walk a fine line when writing this story. It could've come out very harsh against either side, or been completely sugary and unrealistic. She seemed to walk the line just fine, though being raised when and where I did, I can't say for sure (here's a review that asks some interesting questions, like does Stockett have a "right" to tell this side of the story?; the comments are interesting too). But ultimately, it's a novel meant to entertain readers, not necessarily tell it like it was. I got completely sucked in. I laughed and I cried a few different times at the end. I also wondered just how long it would take for Hollywood to turn this into a film. Not long at all.

The Babysitters Club

Cool news: Ann M Martin is a writing a prequel to The Babysitters Club. It takes place the summer before Kristy had her big money-making idea.

I loved these books. I think I read 30 of them at least, if not more, so I'm glad the series is getting another chance in the spotlight.

Edited to add: Whitney over at PopCandy also posted about this news. She even mentions the graphic novels, which look really cute!

Oxygen

I recently finished Oxygen by Carol Cassella, a practicing anethesiologist living in Seattle. Cassella uses what she knows to write this novel about an anethesiologist living in Seattle. The story follows Marie, a single doctor, who puts people to sleep for a living. Unfortunately, Marie loses one patient, a child, and the book takes the reader on the journey of a malpractice law suit.

I liked Marie as a character. I enjoyed learning more about anethesiology as a career - it's much more complex and interesting than I imagined it was. It's also interesting to read about the workings of a hospital when it comes to malpractice. I believe as a doctor, Cassella must know these situations fairly well, even if she's never been sued herself (or maybe she has, I don't know), so I took this part of the story pretty literally. Being sued seems like a somewhat lonely position for a doctor, however you're also part of a "club" because so many doctors get sued at some point in their life. I also liked the side story of Marie's sister and father.

However, I'd say the book is just OK. I felt it was a little too long, a little too much about the case (the reader could get the idea in half as many words, I think). The book was also fairly predictable. I figured out the ending after reading just a few pages, and it just wasn't that satisfying of an ending, really. It all kind of added up to an episode or two of ER, which isn't bad necessarily, just not completely fulfilling or all that compelling.

What I Got for my Birthday

Here is my annual list of books that I received this year for my birthday/Christmas:

The Girl Who Played with Fire, by Stieg Larsson. I have yet to read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but once I do, I'll have the sequel at the ready.

Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength, by Laurie Helgoe. I'm always interested to learn how introverts get along in the world, especially since I'm one of them.

Things I Learned About my Dad in Therapy, edited by Heather Armstrong.

The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, by Alan Bradley.

Juliet, Naked, by Nick Hornby.

Super Freakonomics: Global Cooling, Patriotic Prostitutes and Why Suicide Bombers Should Buy Life Insurance, by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner. I loved Freakonomics tremendously - so interesting - so I'm excited for this one, too.

Mothers Who Think: Tales of Real-Life Parenthood, edited by Camille Peri and Kate Moses of Salon.com

Because I Said So: 33 Mothers Write about Children, Sex, Men, Aging, Faith, Race & Themselves, also by Camille Peri and Kate Moses.

A Three Dog Life, by Abigail Thomas.

The Guinea Pig Diaries: My Life as an Experiment, by A.J. Jacobs. I fully enjoyed his first two books, which were big-time experimemts, so I look forward to reading about some of his mini experiments. What a life, right? Just live through experiences and then write about them... nice.

And once again, I have a few B&N gift cards to spend, too. Woo!

Merry Christmas!

How ever you celebrate this time of year, may your days be bright and filled with love.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas
by Clement Clarke Moore

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Sherlock Holmes

I meant to post this last week. I'll be seeing Sherlock Holmes in the next week or so, most definitely. But it was so interesting to discover that the largest collection of Holmes memorabilia is located right here in Minnesota. In a basement at the University of Minnesota some 60,000 artifacts are at home, including book volumes, magnifying glasses, broadcast recordings and much more.

I haven't actually read much Sherlock Holmes, but the movie and this article might entice me to check out at least a story or two. Are you a Holmes fan?

Sarah's Key

Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay takes place in two different times. Sarah, a young Jewish girl, lives during WWII in occupied France. On morning in July 1942, she and her parents are taken away from their home during a roundup called Vel' di'Hiv'. Thousands of families are taken to a large arena and kept in horrendous conditions for several days, then sent via train to prison camps and later onto Auschwitz. Before the men take her away, Sarah hides her little brother in a cupboard, promising to come back for him. Her chapters are told from Sarah's point of view about how she overcomes her fears, strives to be strong and find a way home to her brother.

These chapters alternate with those of Julia Jarmond, a present-day American journalist who has lived in Paris for 25 years. She's married with a daughter, and is assigned to cover the 60th anniversary of the roundup. In her research, she uncovers the story of Sarah, and makes it her mission to find out how it ended up.

I loved this book. I think by alternating the stories of Sarah and Julia in short chapters, de Rosnay keeps the reader on the edge of their seat. I gobbled the story up in less than a week. The story engages you from the beginning and keeps you turning the pages. I had no idea that France went through such a roundup, and that the French police were ordered to ship tens of thousands of Jewish people to the camps over a period of time (and nearly all didn't come back). It's a very dark period of the country's history, and Julia found that many French people would either pretend like they didn't know what was going on during that time or just wanted to bury the past.

A little more than halfway through the book, de Rosnay shifts the entire storytelling to Julia. While I understand this was probably to maintain the mystery of the rest of Sarah's story, I found I missed Sarah's chapters. I wasn't ready to let her go, which in a way is probably better than getting tired of her. I enjoyed all the characters, I loved the storytelling, I was heartbroken by the events of history. This was a very good piece of historical fiction.

I have realized that I'm drawn to fiction about WWII. I've now read WWII stories from several sides: Polish with The Zookeeper's Wife; Russian with City of Thieves; English with The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society; German with Those Who Save Us; and now France. While they're all fiction, they are seeped in historical accuracy. And while they're all sad, they're all very good as well.

Do you have any favorite books about WWII? Any other war?

Second Chance

I just finished Second Chance by Jane Green. I've read some of her books in the past. Mostly what you'd call "chick lit," but entertaining and quick reads if that's what you're looking for. Second Chance is about a group of high school friends who have lost touch, but then are reunited around the age of 40 after the tragic death of one of the group members. The death happens quickly in the book, so the rest of the pages are devoted to the grief of the friends and then basically their life stories. They're all in different places in their lives - all at different turning points - and perhaps the friend's death has led them all to look at their lives differently. Will they all get a "second chance"? Ah, yes, cheesy. But entertaining for the most part.

I particularly liked the story line of Holly, a wife and mother who's unhappy but can't figure out why. However, I think the reason I liked this story line the most is because Green spilled the most ink on Holly. She really feels like the central character, and everyone else is just a minor character in the book. You don't really get attached to any of the other characters, which makes you not really care what happens to them. Maybe that was the point? But I don't think so.

And Holly still feels like the main character even though Green uses the technique of writing from everyone's perspective - sort of. It's hard to explain, but sometimes while reading it you feel like you're in the mind of the character and other times you feel like it's just Green telling you what's going on in the mind of the character. This got to be confusing and bit frustrating, and as an editor I would've cleaned this up a bit and made the story feel a little more cohesive.

So, if you're a fan of the green-pink-and-white-covered, female-driven literature out there, this is probably right up your alley. If you're like me and sometimes just want a book that's easy that you can devour in a few days and then forget about - this works, too. Otherwise, nothing to write home about.

End of the Year Post, 2009

Each December I usually compile a list of five posts of my favorite reads of the year. However, this was a more lackluster year for reading. It started out strong, was mixed with some surprises, but overall, I couldn't really pick five books I loved. At least, not ones worthy of an end-of-the-year shout out. So, in lieu of a series of posts, I'm going to write one longish post, highlighting a couple books I really enjoyed, as well as a few blog posts of which I'm proud.

The Last Lecture
I don't think you'll find a negative review about Randy Pausch's book anywhere. It's engaging, inspiring and heartbreaking. It's short and sweet, but it's a thinker. What if you only had six months to live? What legacy would you want to leave behind? What lessons have you learned that you'd want to pass on to your children? Excellent book.

City of Thieves
This was a fluke. I found this book for free at work and gave it a try. I've since loaned it to three other people who all agreed: extremely good. Disturbing yet real, sad yet uplifting - plus you learn a little something, which is never a bad thing. Good for men and women readers. Definitely one I'll keep on my shelf for awhile.

Pretty is What Changes
While I can't say this is the most impressively written memoir I've ever read, the challenges the author goes through and the decisions she makes about her body are truly thought provoking, especially for women. It forces you to ask yourself some tricky questions, and the story has stuck with me all year.

Dreams From My Father (three parts)
This was also an impulse read. I never really planned on reading Obama's memoir. I'm not like that with politicians and their books. But, for some reason I gave this one a shot. It's completely different than a memoir written after a presidency (or first lady-ship or rogue-ish VP run) because Obama wrote this before the political "machine" started for him. As I said in one of my posts, the absolute coolest thing about our president - whether you agree with his ideas or not - is that he's really one of us: raised by a single mom, middle class, worked hard to go to college, etc. (He's not some entitled kid who grew up in a wealthy family that had political connections from day one.) And he became President. It proves that if your kid says he or she wants to be president one day, you can actually say with some confidence now, "Yes, that's definitely within reach."

So, those four books stood out the most for me in 2009. Sure, I read some others that were cute, or fun, or interesting, but nothing that really grabbed me. I did, however, write some posts about books and popular culture that I thought were good conversation starters (whether they started conversations or not).

How Young is Too Young?
Does Pop Culture Make Us Feel Safe Again?
For the Love of First Grade
My Rant on Journalism Today

Here's to a great new year of reading. Though with a baby on the way, I'm guessing, perhaps, a little less reading than I'm used to.

So, what were your favorite books of 2009?

(Archives)
Top 5 Books of 2007
A Look Back 2008

What No One Tells the Mom: Surviving the Early Years of Parenthood with Your Sanity, Your Sex Life and Your Sense of Humor Intact

There are many things I liked about Marg Stark's What No One Tells the Mom.

1. It gives you permission to be scared about what you're about to embark on.

2. She uses frank, funny language that's engaging to follow and quick to read.

3. She's not afraid to show her faults and the faults in her marriage, even if it means telling us how disappointed she was in her husband for a very long time (he's a saint by the way, if he's OK with her airing their dirty laundry like that), about how she almost drove away and never came back...

4. ...but then she doesn’t forget to explain how it all got better: her husband started helping out more, how they found more time to be together as a couple, how sweet and special her kids are a majority of the time.

5. The book takes away any preconceived notions, letting you know that things won’t be perfect, and you shouldn’t expect them to be, and that’s OK.

6. Stark and her army of friends and interviewees provide helpful tips for keeping your sanity during an insane time.

A few quotes I enjoyed:

“The standards to which we hold ourselves contribute to the enormous tension we feel, and underestimate a child’s fervent desire to be team player and to help manage family life and its complications. Most moms I know don’t think to delegate chores and they try not to bore kids on weekends with grocery shopping and errands. We’re managing motherhood with white gloves when even in the roughest, dirtiest of circumstances, kids are astonishingly smart, sometimes even prescient.”

She also pulled from another book (The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Lerner) these valuable lessons:

“Venting anger may not help. It tends to protect or solidify, rather than challenge, the existing rules or patterns of a relationship; the only person we can truly change or control is our own self; blaming and fighting are often ineffective methods for exacting change, and ways to avoid the more threatening job of changing yourself.”

One thing that I started to get to me though, by the time I read the 250 pages, was her downer attitude. Stark sought counseling and she suffered from a bit of depression. While this is all fine, and I appreciate her sharing that with her readers, I do think the depression probably made motherhood and marriage seem a little more torturous for her. While I can definitely see the fighting, the resentment, the frustration all coming to fruition in any new family of three (or more), I hope for most it’s much easier to find the happiness than it was for Stark.

So, in the end: loved the lessons, loved the advice, loved hearing from all the other moms. Laughed out loud. Dog-eared pages. I could’ve just used a little more positive words from the author herself.

New Moon: A study in male aggression

I saw New Moon last night with my two bffs in a theater packed with females. (Case in point: When Jacob first took off his shirt, the gasps and sighs were louder than the movie.) Reviews about the movie have been mixed. I was surprised to see Entertainment Weekly give it a B+, but other reviewers have said the movie was slow. It was a touch slow, but so was the book. However, the second book plays a very important role in the series. The werewolves have to be entered into the story somehow and there has to be set up for the love triangle between Jacob, Edward and Bella.

I thought the movie was very well done actually. You could instantly tell there was more money to work with this time around. When I first saw the previews, I wasn't sure about the werewolves - I couldn't tell how big they were. But watching the movie, I thought they were actually perfect. They were huge and they were scary, but you could also see the cuddliness of the humans on the inside. I'm glad they weren't depicted like the werewolves in Harry Potter, which are more based in fantasy and very creepy. All the main actors have wonderful chemistry with each other, and once again (as reviewed from last year), Bella's dad just makes the movie. Billy Burke was fabulous. One disappointment however is Victoria. I think Rachelle Lefevre does a fabulous and beautiful job as bad vampiress Victoria in both Twilight and New Moon (if I could only have hair like that!), and while I do enjoy Bryce Dallas Howard, I think it's a mistake to change the actress in the third movie.

The theme that really stuck out to me throughout the movie was male aggression. It makes me wonder about the men in Stephanie Meyer's life. Does she know many aggressive men? Maybe not. Maybe Edward and Jacob's anger and angst is based on pent up teenage emotions, but I don't think so. After all, Edward is far from a teenager. I found it interesting that several times during the movie, when the men become angry they turn into their worst part (and they warn people, too: "don't make me angry," "I might not be able to control myself"). Is this a message that all men have a monster (vampire) or an animal (werewolf) inside of them? A part of them that they always have to work to control so as not to maim or attack loved ones or potential competitors? And are females always supposed to put up with it, always supposed to be the caretakers who reassure the males that they're worthy and that everything is going to be OK?

This isn't a criticism of the book, but an observation of how the gender roles are portrayed. (I can only imagine the awesome Women Studies classes out there using these books as resources!) While I do believe the series of books is about Bella's journey...and self denial, and good and evil...I think it's just as much about the journey of Edward and Jacob becoming the men they're supposed to be. And as in real life, it usually takes a woman to help a man figure it out. :)